Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
