She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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