Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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