I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
