the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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