It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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