I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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