Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
