i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
