Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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