You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
