Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
