watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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