my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
