Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My feet surprised me
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
