I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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