you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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