He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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