There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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