I need help removing her.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
