i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
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