I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
