pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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