It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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