she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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