the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
