I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
