just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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