So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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