just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
