I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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