I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I have demons in me.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
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Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
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I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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