Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
