I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
