Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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