Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
