shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
