she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
