yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
