oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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