I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
