so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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