Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
