Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
