I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
