The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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