Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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