I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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