Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
