I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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