you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
