I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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