I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
