dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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