he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
