i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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