You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
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