Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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