yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success