i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think I just shit out all my problems.