I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
