he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
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He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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