Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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