I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
