I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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