Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
