she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize