the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
