I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
