Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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