Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
