just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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