why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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