I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
