last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
