so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
