he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
