How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
