I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
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How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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