doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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